Wayne Barnes the English referee from Gloucestershire will blow the whistle this Saturday at the Rugby World Cup final between the Springboks and the All Blacks. He has written a recent book about his life called “Throw the Book!”
He has attracted criticism from both All Black and Springbok supporters in the past about some of his decisions in the past. The Oracle of Maroelana believes that buried deeply in his Anglo-Saxon psyche he might lean slightly towards New Zealand in borderline decisions.
There are unsubstantiated urban legends and rumours circulating in Platteland circles, fuelled by copious rounds of Klipdrift on ice about somebody called William Wayne Barnes otherwise affectionately known as Bill of the Bush who may or may not be related to our valiant referee.
According to these creative storytellers and sometimes unreliable narrators, old Bill found himself on the wrong “kant” in the Second Anglo-Boer war when he sat on a Fever Tree thorn. The long horing pierced his pink rooinek bottom and he couldn’t ride his horse Agatha. He was captured by the Boers but treated very well despite Lord Kitchener’s scorched earth policy. The deadly but friendly Boers felt sorry for Bill and his seer gat – sore bottom. They fed him biltong, rusks & mieliepap with moerkoffie. It was in captivity that he learnt to sing the song Sarie Marais around the camp fire.
Bill returned back to old damp, wet and soggy Blighty after the war where he became a purveyor of pork bangers. He then became known as Bill “Bangers” Barnes.
Bill became an eager and active participant in one of the UK’s most eccentric traditions, the yearly cheese rolling event at Cooper’s Hill. Participants chase a huge wheel of Double Gloucester cheese downhill, and the first one over the line gets to keep the cheese as a prize!
Which is just as well because if you’re an England rugby player it’s easier to get a rolling cheese over the line against the Springboks than an oval ball!
🏉🏉🏉
The End